My eyes scan the shoreline. Through the oil lamp I search the faces, vapidly staring....Zecharias, Isaiah, Joseph. Joking, laughing, talking at the speed of lightning. In a trance I smile hollowly, waving broadly, greeting each. I knew them in another life. Zecharias, my brother Andrew and I used to run and play by the creek on sun-braised afternoons. Isaiah, Joseph, and I would swap yarns before I met Truth. Watching them trolling I knew each was pleased, enough to feed the family and some to spare.
What am I doing here? I cast my hook on the water as the last few days cross my mind. Reliving each blow in my mind, the boat rocks and stirs in my disturbance. I rub my rope-burned hands and hear the thunderous roar of men at the docks reeling in the boats. Each shout becoming a taunt. It was as if the whole world was stagnant, but everything had been torn apart. Somehow I hoped that fishing would be safe.
My heart burned watching the men cooking the multitude of fish over a fire. Mere days ago I denied I knew You as I warmed my feet and hands. This multitude of fish meager as I remembered a meal by the shore. Was this all another lifetime?
I returned for comfort, yet I feel more out of place than ever. I'm left pondering words I don't understand. Wondering does it even matter. My friends and I yak about meaningless nothings as we wait for our vision to come back into focus. I drift in and out of consciousness hearing my friends words and His words jumbled in my mind.
"Children, have you any food?" Dawn was just breaking over the sea. I looked around watching dozens of ships pulling nets into the dock. While I had fallen asleep on the watch I had somehow hoped that my friends would be able to pull something in. This man told us to cast on the other side of the ship. What good would that do?? '
"Its the Lord!" John turned to me. Overwhelmed with joy I merely jumped. Swimming through the sea of forgetfulness. Embraced by perfect disfigurement.
Follow Me. Follow Me. Echoing through my heart.
Inspired by John 21:1-10
2 comments:
Cool post! I blogged about Peter last week too. =)
I followed you over here after I saw your comment on Margaret Daley's blog; I'm always interested in connecting with another mom balancing writing with the kiddos! We're going to be starting homeschooling this fall, so soon we'll really be in the same boat. =) If you wanna chat writing/balancing act, drop me at note at roseanna[at]roseannawhite[dot]com!
Thanks, Roseanna. And thanks for becoming a follower. We will be doing kindergarten in the Fall with our daughter. I'm quite excited to read your book, too!! I will definitely keep in touch. Thanks again for stopping by.
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