Dark Glass Ponderings

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. -1 Corinthians 13:12

Technical Note: First of all, I think my husband managed to successfully fix the comment box.  So let me know if you are having any issues with it please.

Sometimes when it comes to my faith I can really be a slow learner.  At times it feels like God is teaching me the same lessons over and over again.  He simply changes the circumstances.

One continual battle in the Christian life is pride.  I know it is for me.  It can take on many faces.  In my case it often takes on the form of concern about other people's opinions.

I want to be liked.  I think I need to be liked.  It can become a form of idolatry as I begin desperately seeking the love and approval of others, instead of resting in the love and approval of my Heavenly Father.

In the mornings I am reading through the book of 1 Samuel.  The character that the Lord has been putting on my heart is Saul.  Saul shows the danger of looking for the approval of others above the approval of God.  Oh how I sometimes want to be David, a person after God's own heart...but at times I find myself in Saul, desperately seeking the approval of others.

I love the realness of the men and women of the Bible. God brings about the raw ache in our soul as we see our failings, our desperate hearts towards Him.  Then He shows us Hope.  He doesn't leave us with the raw aching wound...he tends to us tenderly as a Lamb...even during times of discipline He is ever healing.  He doesn't just bandage over our wounds but tenderly heals them up completely...until our skin (and hearts) are soft and new.

And we have such trust through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as [being] from ourselves, but our sufficiency [is] from God, who also made us sufficient as ministers of the new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; [fn] for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. -2 Corinthians 3:4-6

God has recently recaptured in my heart the dream I have held as long as I can remember, to write.  I began a blog because I felt words tugging in my heart that needed to be expressed.  

In the blogosphere I think the temptation is great to appear as someone that has it all together.  I read blogs and am amazed at Beth (OK, this is not directed at any specific blogger, I just made up a generic name.  So please don't sue me.) who creates her own curriculum for her 10 (dressed in matching outfits, of course) children, makes all her bread from  scratch, has the stores paying her for groceries, and all the while has a home business making quilts and selling them on the internet.  The scary thing is I think there is a little part inside me that wants to be that woman.  You know, the one everyone thinks is amazing...

If you watched me inside my house today you would find my son covered in bougars.  Yes, that's about as real as it gets, folks.  We are all viral here.  I wash him down and a few minutes later he's covered again.  Chicken nuggets were on the menu this afternoon, so we have several more dirty towels because my children think its delightful that barbecue sauce resembles blood and works sort of like finger paint.  We are working through Mount Washmore...does it ever end??  I haven't even dealt with the thermometer battle, I'm just not up for that much screaming.

But for now there's a peaceful moment...kids are sleeping.  The beautiful silence was just punctuated by my husband yelling "Ow" as he works in the basement.  

Better go check for blood.



Julia M. Reffner

About Me

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Christ-loving bookworm & homeschool mom of 2 stealing the rare quiet moments to pursue that all elusive writing dream. I also write book reviews for Title Trakk and The Historical Novel Society.


Contributor at The Writer's Alley:


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